She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
