i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
