so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
