thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
