I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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