I looked at my own cervix.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
