I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
