I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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