I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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