I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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