oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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