i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
