what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
