i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
