you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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