well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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