how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Randomize
