The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
