I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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