Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
