How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You have to summon your inner elephant
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
