WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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