If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
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You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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