The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize