I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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