Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
