I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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