I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
