i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He better not be in your backpack
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
