Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
