i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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