the condom got lost in my hair
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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