Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
