It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
