at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
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Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire