Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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You made eat vitamins until I threw up
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
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As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse