I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.