I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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