I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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