Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
