Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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