party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
