there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
