I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
