I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im holly from the hills drunk
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
