yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
