i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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