Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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