I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drake has all the answers
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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