She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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