one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
