How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
