So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's rum buckets o'clock
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
