successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
