Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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