If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
