So drunk its hurt
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
