I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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