I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
