i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
