It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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