i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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