Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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