I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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