I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
