Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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