I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
