It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize