Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
