jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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