Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
