I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
