no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
