You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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