I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
