I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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