I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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